you have to choose: penises or morals?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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