Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
