Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So. Much. Porn.
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