His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
