It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
