Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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