Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
