Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
