I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
