hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
