im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
