My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
