is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
