Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
