I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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