He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
