What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
