I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I want her autograph on my taint
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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