sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
