YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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