hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
