There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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