i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
