i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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