Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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