Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
