I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
