Will you blow on my dice?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
