i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
