Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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