Im at strip club and am horny
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
