I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
