I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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