what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
