before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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