I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Its about making memories worth repressing
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
