Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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