goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
