If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize