I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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