I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
