i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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