I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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