Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
