i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
