if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize