Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
