Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
