Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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