And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
