careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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