ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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