so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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