Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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