What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
