Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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