god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize