So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
