I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
