i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
