Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize