Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
