I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
there's paper in my vomit.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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