Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
