SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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