that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
