Nicole vs. Life
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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